Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Lessons from a pop-star

On a  post-split interview of Jennifer Lopez, she said that "Marriage is tough... It's not going to be perfect... It's definitely challenging."

And it's true...  not just for celebrities but for normal people as well. We had also tough times in our course of almost 5 years of marriage. It included financial instability, long distance relationship and a lot of mood swings (on both sides). But that didn't cost us our marriage for we always choose our love and commitment to each other. I pray that it will stay that way forever.

So the secret to a happy marriage is.... will always be a secret.  I don't even know it or if the secret to long lasting relationships really do exist. But what I can suggest are the following to at least have a close to a happily ever after.

1) Choose your own partner. I guess not all have the freedom to do that because of culture and religion. But if you do have the luxury of choosing, choose very well. Choose wisely. Having a list of all the traits you want and what you don't want in your partner will guide you in picking the right one for you. And set how many of those traits, let's say about 4/5 of those in the list you really want to see. Keep your list real. And do not settle. Don't be pressured by time, age, and peers about choosing YOUR partner. You'll be spending the rest of your life with this person and making a bad choice is like throwing a stone on your head. I'm not guaranteeing that you will find ALL the traits in one person but at least close enough to your ideal partner.

2) Be yourself. Whether you're still looking or already tied into marriage. I'm sure your partner has his own "list" too. And finding out that the "list" you aced before wasn't even the real you later on spells disaster and disappointment. Spare yourself of the agony of being someone you're not.

3) Communication is essential.With your partner, not with the next door neighbor or something. There are times that you feel upset about what your partner did. But instead of pointing out to your partner what was wrong, you tell someone else (who probably doesn't really care) what happened and what you felt. Which leaves your partner clueless of what happened. The marriage/ relationship is about you and your partner. Why do you need an outsider to be involved with it? And when you're totally happy or you just feel being nice and sweet, tell him/her. Don't be shy of telling your partner how you feel, especially those sweet nothings. Those words that make you feel butterflies in your stomach is just awesome.

4) Compromise. Always remember that the two of you are two different individuals. You'll have your set of own opinions that are probably different from your partner's. Respect that. If you have to make one single decision, learn to compromise. It's either you choose halfway or let your partner win over this single instance. Then you'll probably have your turn next time.

5)  Give each other space and support. Don't be too clingy and dependent even though men loves to be your hero. Don't be too caring and over protective even though women likes being pampered, having a constant companion and shielded from harm. There are times when people just need space or be alone for them to grow as a person. Give your 100% support in all his/her personal decisions. By the way, don't be envious of the other's success or blame the other for unwanted failures.

6)  Do things to make him/her fall in love with you all over again. Remember the time you first dated? What were you wearing? what did you give her on your first anniversary? When was the last time you held his hand? Did you kiss him goodnight? Have you cooked his favorite dish lately?  It's not those grand things really. It is in those little things you did that really made him/her fall in love with you. Simple isn't it?! Why not start today?!

7)  Spice it up a little. Who wants monotony? I don't. Do something extraordinary or unexpected just to give that going stale relationship a boost. It could be a trip abroad just for the two of you, a handwritten love letter under his office drawer, role-playing, dance class for couples, having babies, etc.Be creative. You will surely think of something nice (and spicy) if you just open your mind and let your imagination go wild. But don't over do it or put yourself in a very awkward position/ situation (literally and figuratively).

8) Never turn to violence. Whether in words or action. Enough said.

9) Always choose to love. It is the reason why you're in that marriage isn't it? So why let other things get in the way? Love when things are going as you have imagined it. Love when things are perfectly fine. Love even if it's not valentines day. Love even when it's not easy. Love even when it's difficult to impossible. Love unconditionally.

10) Keep the faith. You need something to keep you and your relationship grounded. It can be your faith/religion. Put God, or whoever that divine being you count on, in the center of your lives. Pray together -- before and after meals, before sleeping, upon waking up, when good things come your way or when arguments are about to really heat up. Praying helps you stay focus and reflect on what is really important in your lives.

These are just suggestions that I think is working for me/us. You can try or add more.

Have a happily ever after. :D

" Sometimes it doesn't work -- and that's sad...But I remain an eternal optimist about love. I am positive -- determined to move forward with my life, bring up my babies, and do the best job I can as a mother, entertainer, and person. I now look forward to new challenges." -J.Lo

No comments:

Disclosure Policy

This policy is valid from 17 September 2009
This blog is a personal blog written and edited by me. This blog accepts forms of cash advertising, sponsorship, paid insertions or other forms of compensation.
This blog abides by word of mouth marketing standards. We believe in honesty of relationship, opinion and identity.
The compensation received may influence the advertising content, topics or posts made in this blog. That content, advertising space or post will be clearly identified as paid or sponsored content.
The owner(s) of this blog is compensated to provide opinion on products, services, websites and various other topics. Even though the owner(s) of this blog receives compensation for our posts or advertisements, we always give our honest opinions, findings, beliefs, or experiences on those topics or products.
The views and opinions expressed on this blog are purely the bloggers' own. Any product claim, statistic, quote or other representation about a product or service should be verified with the manufacturer, provider or party in question.
This blog does contain content which might present a conflict of interest. This content will always be identified.