Our conversation started with,
"Did you play with your Mom and Dad when you were a kid?".
She has always been curious of the past. I said,
"Not really. But I played a lot with my cousins. We all live in a very big house with all my cousins, aunts and uncles." I said something like that.
"I don't want to be a grown up."
"I don't want you getting old." , she said a little bit serious this time.
Aaawww. How sweet. Then I asked her to repeat on camera this time so that I can show my hubby who was at work at that time.
Now rather upset, "No. I will not talk anymore."
I insisted until she finally said,
"I don't want you dying." And now she's almost crying like she's very upset, angry and frustrated.
Huh?! Where did that idea come from? The timing couldn't be better, it was a day after we remembered the dead.
I think she's too young to really understand the concept of death if we talk about it now. I'm a bit uncomfortable discussing it with her or to anyone too since I think talking about it makes it real --which scares me. But I guess it's time.
I told her that everybody will grow old and eventually die and go back to Jesus. (She knows that part since she was aware already when she lost her greatgrandma 2 years ago.) We will be sad and miss those who go before us. But we will be alright eventually. We just have to make happy memories with everybody so that when they go back to Jesus, we will have nice memories of them. But she is really upset that Mommy and Daddy is part of everybody so she doesn't want to grow up nor want us growing old. I gave her lots of hugs and kisses and reassured her that I will live as long as I can to be with her. I then distracted her with more fun games and toys so as she will not worry anymore.
Having this discussion with her made me realize of our mortality. It really scares me that I always dismiss this thought. In my head, I will live as long as my own little family will live and that we will all live in this happily ever after with no ending. But reality is, we will all go back home to our Creator and some people will be left behind. It is a sad reality that everybody will go through at some point. Even if I pray and wish and pray and wish and pray and wish some more, that it will never happen to me or to her, at some point whether it is a family member or a friend or an acquaintance, it will happen . (blank thoughts. blank thoughts. and more blank thoughts,)
Oh Lord, please give us strength for whatever it is that will come our way, make us appreciate what we have now and guide us to do what pleases You and to live without regrets.