My Outstanding Little One

Our little one used to be so naughty that we have to make her face the wall or stand stand outside the room to think about what she has done wrong and how she can mend her ways. Now, she has earned a different kind of "outstanding" that make us so proud that no words can describe. This is not just our little one's achievement but an accomplishment of our family as a whole. (Yes, I'm also taking credit for this one 'coz I've been such a hovering mother . The next ones will be hers alone 'coz I plan to let her be more independent and take control of  everything she does.)
Thank you, Sweetheart for always doing your best and not letting us down. We are so proud of you!
Congrats, Sweetie. We are doing good at this parenting job. 😉

Praying the Rosary

October being the month of the rosary, it is only fitting that our little one can learn how to pray the rosary. It all started with her learning how to read. Since she has read (&memorized) most of her children's books, I introduced to her the little book of prayers. The words in the prayer book will surely increase her vocabulary and, as what I've recently told her, each prayer she says will add to the step of the stairs going to heaven. She was so hooked reading and praying all the common prayers that we decided to teach her how to pray the rosary. I had never prayed the rosary with her before because I thought she's not ready for the long and repetitious prayer. She would not last the entire rosary without being her usual self --moving and talking incessantly. Surprisingly, we were able to finish it. She was so excited and enthusiastic leading and answering the prayers as she held on to the beads of the rosary. The timing was just really perfect that I introduced the rosary to her when she was most interested. She has even listed the intentions she would like to pray for when we pray the rosary. I think we will be praying the rosary everyday with her.

Thank you, Lord and Mama Mary for this wonderful daughter you have given us. She continuous to surprise us for all the right reasons. 

Of Bestfriends and Heartbreaks

Our daughter has always been excited to go to school. She's excited to learn, play and most specially, to see her classmates. She's most fond of of her seatmate, Orange. Most of her after school stories are about her, what they did, what they talked about, why she's late or absent, how they look a like and how her other classmates are confused with them because they look like twins. Our daughter would also tell us that they argue at times but she would always say nice things about her because she is her best friend. All her classmates are naughty except, of course, her and Orange. It is so cute that our daughter found her first best friend after just 2 days of knowing her. My daughter is happy to have a best friend. She even gave her a special friendship bracelet the other day to remember her by --- not that she's going away anywhere.

Things have (quickly) changed though.  "Mom, my other classmate gave Orange rubber band and she said I'm not her best friend anymore.", our little one said.  I felt the sadness in my daughter's voice. My heart sank. It feels like this is her first heartbreak. Just the other day she was thinking of what to give Orange for her birthday then a day after she's not her friend anymore. They didn't even had a fight. Orange just decided that she's not my daughter's best friend anymore. She tried to be strong as if she's not really affected by it and rarely talked about Orange anymore. I told her that maybe Orange will change her mind and they'll be best friends again or maybe she will find another one. I'm still feeling heart broken while saying those. She said she's just upset but she'll be fine. She even convinced me that she has other friends anyway, like Selena. I thought she wouldn't want to go to school anymore because of it. She still wanted to. (Thank God!)

Our daughter is really matured for her age. She can gracefully accept rejection and move on easily. I hope she keeps that attitude until she's a grown up -- where there'll be more heartbreaks and rejection.

Sweetheart, always remember this... all your other best friends will come and go as they like (and I can't protect you from heart breaks such as this) but I promise you, mommy and daddy will be your bestest best friend forever and ever and nothing can ever change that. We love you so much.

First Day High

I'm back again at my old school. Our little one is officially a student here and I'll be here outside waiting for her to finish classes. Two days ago was her first day in school. Thank God,  there were no first day of classes drama. I think she was excited to meet new friends and ignored us the moment she stepped inside her classroom. Though we still assured her that we'll be waiting outside. I think it was us, the parents, who are having separation anxiety.
I hope she enjoys learning and her new school. I hope she'll have new friends and have memorable experience. And I hope we learn to just let go and not to worry about her because she's not our little baby anymore. 

Not so Little Anymore

I found one of our little one's favorite dresses which I had sewn before because it was still too big back then. I removed the stitches thinking it will fit perfectly now that she has grown a little bit. But I think it was too late 'coz she has grown a little bigger than I expected. It was too short for her to wear outside. But it is still too pretty to throw away and too sentimental to give away. My solution?
Make a pretty skirt out of it.

from baby dress to toddler skirt

She loves it. Now she can twirl around like a pretty princess.

This outgrowing her dresses made me realized that our little one is really not so little anymore. She is growing so fast that new mommy fears are creeping into me. She'll go to school soon, away from me. She'll have friends and teachers who she'll listen and probably look up to and I'll be... here, just here. Maybe she'll still want me or not. She'll be smarter and wouldn't need me for answers. She'll probably won't believe in fairytales, dragons and father Christmas anymore. Oooohhhh. Why am I doing this to myself -- torturing myself with things that probably won't be as bad as I am imagining them. 

I just feel that everything happened so fast and I haven't spent enough time with my little one. 

Maybe I should just twirl around with a pretty skirt with my little one to make time go more slowly.

From Bottle to Cup

We trained our little one to use (milk) bottle when we decided to wean her from breastfeeding. (what were we thinking?) She was about two and half years old. Even though breast to bottle is not the ideal "route to progress", we thought that this will just be a short transition to drinking from cup. She already knows anyway to drink from straw, sippy cup and cup. How hard could it be to train her to drink from the cup? However, it is only now, a year after, (Yay! finally!) that she is actually drinking milk from cup.

It is an interesting story how we ended up here. We've been thinking for a couple of months now when to stop giving her milk from the bottle. But child's preference and parents' convenience always wins.

The other night, the little one decided to threw her bottle of milk on the floor in an attempt to get my attention. I was furious why she acted that way. So I picked up her bottle and threw it straight to the trash bin. (what was I thinking?) Of course we can't use it anymore. I hid the rest of her milk bottles and stayed firm that she won't be drinking milk from the bottle anymore. The little one disliked my decision. She cried all night, without drinking milk, to sleep.

She still remembered the next day what happened and requested for her milk in the bottle. Now calmer, I explained that I already threw her bottles because of what happened the night before. She can have her milk in any cup she likes from the collection of cartoon inspired cups we already have. She liked the idea and chose a sponge bob cup with straw. (That was easy!) But hubby was a bit hesitant about using straw since it didn't seem like we "progressed". With that in mind, I asked the little one if she wanted to drink milk from her spongebob cup without the cover. She surprisingly prefer that too. (Thank God!).

It's interesting how the little one's tantrums (and mom's violent reaction) is all we need to make her stop from the bottle. "The end justifies the means." (I've always liked Machiavelli.) Now, we are saying good bye to milk bottles and sippy cups!  (and saying hello to small(er) bags and purses when going out -- I don't have to bring bottles anymore.

Oh, I hope I didn't jinx this by blogging this too soon.

Of Leaving, Returning and Being Together as A Family

As soon as we got back home (our home for the last 3 years) from a more than a month vacation, the little one asked, "Why are we back here?". She was a bit disappointed of coming back here since, I guess, she'll be away from everything she enjoyed and wanted -- friends to play with and grannies and relatives to spoil her. Hubby said, "We are back here 'coz Papa has work. I need to work so that we have money..." "..to buy food and toys!?" the little one added. "Yes."
And everything was okay.
Once in a while though, the little one would cry, "I want to go to Lola." There's nothing we could do but tell her again that we have to stay here with Papa 'coz he has work and the holidays are over. Then you distract her with toys, games, movies and with other enjoyable memories to forget for a while the longing to go back home.
This makes me sad for her. I know how isolating and lonely being away from everyone is. Sometimes I think if staying together (our family of three) and away from everyone else is good for her or not. Maybe this doesn't make sense to other cultures where it is common to be away from your extended family. In the Filipino culture, family is closed knit that your extended family (grandparents, parents, children, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.) live close together or sometimes living  in the same house.
We convince ourselves that this is better, the three of us together. We can give our little one a more consistent love and care that only parents can give, a constant home that is not defined by size, materials used nor zip code and a concrete example of complete and always present family our little one will hopefully strive to build and keep in the future.
Hopefully this experience will teach our little one too that, leaving and letting go is part of life and so as returning and getting things back.

Of Things We Cannot Take back

Daddy going to work was never an issue with our 3 year old.  She's used to that. But today she said,  "Don't go to work Papa.  Don't leave me in the home.", and it's not even the work week/day yet. I think she understood what happened the other night.
Two nights ago, we turned off all the lights and relied on the moon beams to light our bedroom window like what we usually do. We stayed on bed and asked each other questions about how our day went. It was our nightly family time. Then we heard noises coming from the window,  about 2 feet where we were lying down.  A man was maybe halfway inside the window of our bedroom already.  My husband immediately got up and yelled to make the stranger leave. He left instantly. We don't know who he was as it was very dark that time nor any idea of his intentions trespassing in our private space.

The trespasser left with nothing but took away our sense of security, nights peaceful sleep, my sanity and our child's confidence that she's safe inside the house even if her Dad is not around -- things that we can never take back.
I wonder what is going through inside our child's head right now and how this incident will affect the days to come.  I hope she can express herself more so that we can better understand and properly process her (traumatic) experience. It's difficult for us adults to move forward after stressful events.  What more for the innocent child  who only knows honesty, peace and love!?

Doll Cake for My Little Princess

Happy 3rd parenting birthday to us! I feel so old now.

Our little girl turned 3 years old yesterday and her only request was a Doll cake (and a Snow White Barbie). And I willingly obliged to do this laborious task of baking her one.

Not bad for a first time er!?

My Doll Cake looks so easy and simple. It was, actually. But I have a really small oven and a small icing syringe so I have to do everything in small batches and make again to complete the entire cake. So this is pretty much the hardest and most exhausting thing I have ever baked (so far). I had to prepare ingredients, mix, wash mixer, beat eggs and bake and wash all then repeat 4 times. I had to do my buttercream 4 times also too. (I don't think I'll beat egg whites and butter again any time soon.) But it was all worth it.  I was really happy with it. I think the birthday girl was too. 

To my Everdearest Natnat,

May god bless and keep you always

May your wishes all come true

May you always do for others

And let others do for you

May you build a ladder to the stars

And climb on every rung

May you stay, forever young

May you grow up to be righteous

May you grow up to be true

May you always know the truth

And see the lights surrounding you

May you always be courageous

Stand upright and be strong

And may you stay forever young

May your hands always be busy

May your feet always be swift

May you have a strong foundation

When the winds of changes shift

May your heart always be joyful

May your song always be sung

And may you stay forever young

Happiest Birthday to my Sweetheart! Mommy and Daddy loves you so much!

Recipes here : Vanilla Cake and Buttercream Frosting

Message / Song From here: Forever Young - Bob Dylan

 

Of Defiance and Tenderness

Sometimes (most of the time actually), it is extremely difficult to put our little one to sleep. She would lie down and pretend to sleep when told but after a few minutes, she will get up again and trick us to allow her to stay up a little longer. She would say she still needs to pee, or request to sleep in between Mommy and Daddy, or ask for peanut butter sandwich, etc. We give in most of the time since most of her "requests" are legitimate and/or good for her. However, she used the "I'm hungry. I want peanut butter." trick 3 nights in a row making it really obvious that she's just making it up to stay up a little longer. After a tiring day, that pissed me off and pretended I was asleep already. She kicked and hit me and  cried trying to wake me up to make her a sandwich. She knew I was angry already and just cried herself to sleep. But I guess she's the type that wouldn't want to go to sleep knowing her parents are angry. She woke up again after a  few minutes and said sorry while trying to wake me up from my pretend sleep. She kept going and going until I finally said, "It's okay. Go to sleep now. I love you."

There was also a time that it was our little one's dad who was angry after putting her to sleep. She was upset and cried herself to sleep after her fight with her dad. In the middle of the night, she hopped over me (we still co sleep our 34 months old daughter) so that she could sleep on her dad's arms. I think it was her way of apologizing to her dad.
It's so cute and sweet that even though our toddler is in the stage where she exerts all her energy to assert her power (that sometimes look very disrespectful), she knows how to humble herself and apologize for her mistakes. She would always, always, make "lambing" and say sorry after her bout of aggression. She would swallow her pride and resolve her conflicts first. She would never go to sleep knowing she is or we are upset. I guess she loves us that much. Awwwww. We are doing great in this parenting job er?!
I hope and pray she remains this strong and smart but with a sweet, tender heart who knows what matters most.

*While writing this, I came across this article. Gameplan for Terrific Twos. This is a good read to ace this parenting thing.

Homeschooling Notes: Writing, Small Letters and 2 Step Instructions

The little one has already "mastered" the big letters. So last week, I started teaching her the small letters. While at it, we can practice writing and following instructions. 

I told her to:

1) get Blue Pen and draw Circle around Big Letter A
2) get Purple Pen and draw Circle around Big Letter B
3) get Orange pen and draw Circle around Big Letter C
4) get Green pen and draw Circle around Big Letter D

Then,

1) get Purple pen and draw X on small letter a

2) get Green pen and draw X on small letter b

3) get Blue pen and draw x on small letter c

4) get Orange pen and draw X on small letter d

She did pretty well even though she seemed to resist and verbally asserted that she doesn't know or like it.

I'm amazed how my 34 month old was able to follow instructions and do "complicated tasks" "perfectly". Ahhh, the simple joys of my life.

Learning Outside

After months or maybe years of trying, our little one has finally played with other kids at the park. She was very shy or scared perhaps before. She would usually run away or cry when other kids come near her. But this time, she played side by side with kids more or less the same age as hers. l think she even suggested the smaller kids to put their hands up while descending the slide. Our little one is just 33 months old by the way. She doesn't have any other regular playmates besides mom and dad since we live overseas where there is language, religion and culture barrier. She has never attended toddler classes nor daycare as l am an overprotective stay at home mom. But maybe just maybe... l can let go now & be a little less me and let my little one be independent without me watching her every move. l saw in the playground her independence, gross motor strengths, waiting skills, kindness and friendliness, seeks us when she needs help removing the sand out of her shoes and most important of all, her better judgement of not doing the dangerous games the older kids are doing. We taught her well. Though she didn't speak too much with the kids because we speak a different language. The language of play and games was enough for her and her playmates to have fun at the park. 

l feel very accomplished as a parent. l guess I'll be counting more of  these kinds of (small) achievements from now on. Which reminds me too of an article I read a couple of months ago...
71 Things Your Child Needs to Learn Before Kindergarten The article listed traits and skills regarding personal/social development, language, math, gross and fine motor skills which are necessary in kindergarten. What struck me the most is the part on social development.

Personal and Social Development

 Approach to learning

• Shows eagerness and curiosity as a learner
• Persists in task and seeks help when encountering a problem
• Is generally pleasant and cooperative

Self-Control

• Follows rules and routines
• Manages transitions (going from one activity to the next)
• Demonstrates normal activity level 

Interactions with Others

• Interacts easily with one or more children
• Interacts easily with familiar adults
• Participates in group activities
• Plays well with others
• Takes turns and shares
• Cleans up after play

Conflict Resolution

• Seeks adult help when needed to resolve conflicts
• Uses words to resolve conflicts

I anticipated that we might run across problems with social skills and language when we decided to live here. I thought our little one might be a little delayed on that part. But she surprisingly is at par with the list. Thank God.

With our milestone at the park, I think our little one is more or less ready for kindergarten. Though we are not forcing her to go just yet. She's only about to turn 3 and going to formal classes might be too early. She still needs to play and enjoy other things around her without any strict structure and schedule. Child initiated games might be more beneficial for her (and for everyone else around her as I know I have a very strong willed child) to learn and to prepare herself more for a regular academic setting. And this post on The Atlantic supports our decision not to send her to school yet : Why Free Play is The Best Summer School

Sooner or later, our little one will go out to school and out into the real world where my arms won't be there to guide and protect her. I just hope we are preparing her well to keep her (and other kids too) safe and to enjoy life whatever it brings. 

Weaning: All Good things Come to an End

I guess we have" successfully" weaned our toddler off breastfeeding. We have enjoyed the benefits of breastfeeding for good 31 months (and beyond). Though she says she still wants "mama milk", it is easier now to tell her that she can't have it anymore.

We started weaning when she turned one year old. We did it gradually by reducing the number of breastfeeding sessions during the day. We started with removing the late afternoon feed for several weeks/months. Then we removed the "morning snack" feeding session. We replaced these feeding sessions mostly with games and playing outdoors. We were also feeding solids at this time. We were almost able to wean all daytime feeds after several months but we had to travel and spend a very long vacation in Philippines. We travelled a lot, moved from one house to another, got seasonal allergies, and feed our little one with something as she is a picky eater, etc. Direct breastfeeding was the most convenient and safest way to feed our toddler.  So we were back again to breastfeeding day and night. My little one was already 2 years old this time.

When we went back home, we started the gradual weaning process again -- a few weeks of no late afternoon feeds, then the upon waking up and/or morning snack feed til there are no more daytime nursing. This phase now is shorter than our first try of weaning. At this time, our toddler is just also (re)learning to feed from the bottle and beginning to like drinking fresh milk and/or formula milk. She really prefers the boob and really dislikes non-human milk. Though she can already drink from the cup, we still let her drink from the bottle as this was, I guess, more convenient for the caregivers. And the suckling helps her sleep.

After a week or two of no daytime nursing, we began removing the just before sleeping feed and still continued to nurse her when she awakes at night. There were a lot of kissing and hugging to replace the nursing sessions. This lasted for 2 weeks. Then we decided to wean her completely -- strictly no nursing day and night.

It was difficult at first (for the parents) as it is really difficult to get up in the middle of the night to prepare the bottle. To add to that, our toddler likes "hot milk" so preparing milk was really tedious (compared to just giving her the boob). By the way, our little one hasn't learned sleeping through the night yet so imagine the sleepless-nights-like-having-a-newborn.

After a week or two, our little one finally slept a little longer than usual. If sleeping through the night means 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep, then we are sleeping through the night already. Yay. I have noticed too, that after several weeks of no direct breastfeeding (almost 2 months) I don't get milk when I hand expressed. That means, I am not lactating anymore (and my boobs are back to normal even size).


However, around this time that she doesn't take breastmilk, our little one got sick -- colds, cough, fever. It was probably due to seasonal allergies. Our little one took many meds but it seems that it is taking too long for her to get well. When she was breastfeeding, she rarely gets sick (Thank God) or gets well very quickly. I am tempted too many times to give her the boob just to make her feel better. Expressed milk is not an option since I don't have my pump and there is very little to none breastmilk anymore. But I have to be firm in this decision of weaning since I'm there already. It took us more than a year to get here and I'm afraid that it will take time again to wean her off if we re-latch/re-lactate. 

It makes me sick thinking that the "decision to wean" won over "toddler's need".  I can't even remember why we even decided to wean our toddler. I'm just trying to convince myself now that weaning her doesn't have any relation to her current health status. It is just seasonal allergies as all of us have it too. Or at least there are several other factors that caused her to be sick. (she is getting better as of this writing)

If any of you has an option to go through baby-led weaning, please do so. The benefits of extended breastfeeding (and the psychological effects on a worrying mom) is as crucial as breastfeeding a newborn. According to Breastfeeding Inc

"Breastmilk still contains immunologic factors that help protect the child even if he is 2 or older. In fact, some immune factors in breastmilk that protect the baby against infection are present in greater amounts in the second year of life than in the first. This is, of course as it should be, since children older than a year are generally exposed to more infections than young babies. Breastmilk still contains special growth factors that help the immune system to mature, and which help the brain, gut, and other organs to develop and mature." 

For more info on extended breastfeeding,  visit these sites:

Timeline of Breastfed Baby

Extended Breastfeeding

Extended Breastfeeding Benefits

Oh well,  I just hope all will be better soon. 

Homeschooling Notes: At Her Own Pace

Our little one seems to know a lot about animals (naming, sounds, mama-and baby), colors, shapes, answering basic questions, spontaneously saying (polite) common phrases, etc.  But she just doesn't say the alphabet or count like her peers do. So we started homeschooling to make sure our little one is ready for traditional school when the need arises. Everything was doing well for a couple of weeks. However, I get disappointed when she seems not interested or not learning anything at all. (and I ran out of ideas how to creatively teach her in our homeschool classroom) I decided to cease this scheduled sessions and just go about playing and horsing around after the 3rd week. I'll just "teach" her when the opportunity comes. Maybe 2 years old is just not ready for school yet. Or maybe the "traditional-school-in- a-home-setting -set-up" is just not for us (yet).

After a few months of totally no scheduled homeschooling, our little one started saying and doing these:

"Mama, look, other M." -03102014
(as of press time, she said, "M and double U.")

"Mama, same letter B" -03122014

"Mama, I make same letter H." -03232014

Hallelujah!

I thought she is not learning anything. She is actually really learning it, not just memorized but learn and understand even if you put these letters in different directions. 

I am, more than ever, convinced that:

1) Play is an important part of learning for little kids. Read more on Why Play-based Learning and Play Based Learning

2) Learning is not confined to four walls of a classroom (or flashcards, pen, paper and books). Read more on Education Outside the Classroom

3) Children (and adults) learn at their own pace and style. Read more on Your Child's Learning Style

 We just have to keep on providing her with a stimulating environment for her learning, growth and development.

To my Everdearest Natnat: Giving and Letting Go

To myy everdearest Natnat,

We used to go out and treat you every weekend with a fast food kids' meal. It's an inexpensive way (so it seems) of giving you something as prize for being "good" the entire week. We all look forward to it because you get a toy and mom&dad gets to eat fast food in moderation since it's kid size serving. Over a year, we have accumulated a lot of toys and trinkets that came for free with meal. We usually choose and buy from the fastfood resto that has better toy so you have something nice to bring home. Most of them are now just hidden somewhere in the pile of toys you don't want to play with anymore. Since this is a time of giving and sharing, we will let go of these 'sentimental' toys.

You're a little older now and we'll try to get you something more useful and age appropriate for you. We are letting old toys go so that we have space for something better.  (This life lesson will be useful to you someday.)

I hope your toys will bring smile to some kid's face like you did.

Happy 27th (and 3 days) month sweetheart. Mommy and Daddy loves you, as always.

Trying Out Home Schooling

I have a couple of friends who are into homeschooling their kids -- not just one but 2 -3 kids. They have been successful at it even when they are Work-at-Home-Moms. I see the value of homeschooling as you can structure and re-structure your own "classroom" as you go along with it or as you see fit with your child. I still intend to put my little one in traditional academic setting. But since I am a Stay-at-home-mom for now, I would give this a try.

I found this sites very helpful in trying to create my lesson plan for my very playful 2 year old.
All In One Homeschool
JumpStart
I don't expect her to learn all or even finish any activity suggested here as my toddler's mind is pre-occupied with Unboxing Egg Surprise Videos on Youtube. 

So far we have done these:

Day 1: Filling Letter A

Day 3: B for Breakfast

Day 6: Pin the Letter/Shapes

And she's doing well... and too smart to let me teach her things that "she already knows". I used to spend 2 days on 1 letter so I adjust it to just 1 letter a day.

I'll end this entry with a movie scene from 2009 that I just watched recently...

Zebulon (The Answer Man): I'm gonna tell you a couple of things. All kids develop in different ways at different times and in different directions. Now I am confident that Alex at some point will be able to tell time and make change, which, let's face it, just about covers it.... What I am hearing is that Alex is not a good candidate to be a robot in your clone army.

Of Pains and Active Toddler

It all started when my little one fell and bumped her knees to the ground. She shoved her dad away when daddy was about to pick her up. She was always like this -- brave, strong and independent. She doesn't want any help from us specially when she hurts herself. Nothing significant after that incident. She went on playing and running again.

The very next day, the little one complained of pain on her right knee. She was also limping while she walks. I was worried. She would opt to walk on her knees as bearing weight on her leg, I assume, was really painful. There were no bruise, swelling or clicking today and the day before. So I wonder what could it be that she is partially (and temporarily) unable to do things the same way as before. A little ointment relieved her of the pain and was able to walk (and run) again that afternoon. Thank God, she is alright.

The following  day (her 23rd month), she was again complaining of pain and limping.  Any parent wouldn't want their child getting hurt. You could only imagine my heartbreaking everytime I hear her say "aaawwweee knee". I wanted to go back in time so that I could prevent her from falling the other day. I wish I had put on ice and did a first aid right away even if she seemed okay. I wanted to bring her to hospital and do MRI just to be 100% sure it was nothing serious. (Then all my former patients and their parents (as pediatric physical therapist) flashed before my eyes. Now I understand how it must hurt, disappoint, feel frustrated, and kill every inch of their bone to see their child in pain and probably be specially abled for life. Yes, I'm overreacting. My child has only sprained her knee incomparable for a lifelong disability of my patients.) It was just a sprain and I was overthinking.

I just feel so bad that I can't do anything RIGHT AWAY to make my little one feel better. I'm disappointed that I am knowledgeable about first aid, sprains, and all sorts of medical stuff but then my little one feels pain.

I guess I expect too much and being hard on myself. Every growing and active child will go through some sort of playing minor accident that parents should not fuss about.

Thank God my child is alright now. Thank God for this realization and wake up call (to be more careful). Thank God for the strength He gives to parents watching their child grow, get hurt and be well again.

My Breastfeeding Journey

I think I have announced the end of our breastfeeding journey prematurely. I just realized that, though my little one seems to be liking the milk not from mommy, she still needs me and my milk... Specially at night. I guess our breastfeeding journey will still go on.

I was underweight before I got pregnant. I (and maybe my OB too) thought that I won't be able to breastfeed even if I wanted to. My body is just too small to hold milk, or anything at all. But I really think breastfeeding is the most normal/natural thing to do. And the benefits of breastfeeding both for the mom and baby are priceless. I also think breastfeeding truly completes my womanhood. I told myself, even for only a short period, I will try to breastfeed.

So before I gave birth, I tried to attend all those free breastfeeding and parenting seminars for pregnant women. I will arm myself with all the theoretical and evidenced based facts of this breastfeeding just in case I am given the opportunity. At least I know what to do.

I had a smooth delivery. I had the chance to have skin to skin time with my newborn. But it is not enough to have a successful latch on. As per the hospital's policy, my baby was brought to the nursery for a night (or at least a few hours to finish some tests and lab works). I can go to her if i wish to breastfeed her. I think my baby only received some glucose. No formula because my OB knows that I will breastfeed. So the very next morning (I gave birth around 9:30 pm), I forced myself to stand and walk so I can go to my little one for breastfeeding. She must be hungry by now, I thought. I went in to the nursery, very confident that I know what I'm doing. But clearly I do not. My baby just wont latch properly and I think nothing is coming out of my boob. I tried to hide the way I hold and bf my baby because I'm too embarrassed to be seen by other nursing moms. I tried peaking on the idiot boards and posters of how to breastfeed. And I just can't seem to do it right. So I just gave my baby back to the nurses and said that she's too sleepy to drink milk... Which is half true. I went for another try after 3 hours. This time I was alone and can focus on doing it right this time. But still no success.

During those times, I wasn't worried that I wont be able to breastfeed. I was just too confident that I'll be able to do this, after all, I attended every seminar offered by Mothercare. I think, believing in yourself that you can do something, actually helps.

I was only able to successfully feed my baby approximately 24hrs after she was born until now that she's almost 2 years old. We had our joys and pains... but really, it's all worth it.

So there's really truth to those things they taught me:
> that it's possible that your milk supply will come out maybe a little later after your baby is born,
> that baby is tired and sleepy and maybe will not latch or feed right away
> that baby will only consume what she needs; no need to strictly follow recommended feeding schedule/amount
> that baby knows when and how to latch... Just hold him properly
>  that your body will produce enough to nourish your baby (no formula supplement needed)
> that your baby will be healthier (in the long run), leaner and less likely to get sick
> and her poop are not as bad smelling as formula fed babies

My breastfeeding journey is successful because:
> I really wanted this to happen
> my husband was supportive in my decision even if he has his own way or opinion in feeding our child
> I have family, mostly in laws, who help me, specially with chores, and sending me treats and snacks, so I can focus on nursing and taking care of my baby
> an OBGyn and midwife who gave me tips in nursing positions and increasing milk supply
> my kinda expensive avent breastpump (but it's worth it)
> moringa supplements, oatmeals, soups and other food that increases milk supply
> nursing wears and accessories
> support groups that share their triumphs and boo-boos in breastfeeding
> free seminars for new mommies
> internet, blogs, Facebook support groups for the breastfeeding
> and a the cutest and most loving baby that needs and wants my milk

Okay, time to breastfeed again.

Happy breastfeeding month!

Of Toddlers and Hormones

I never wanted or even imagined I would be the "because-I-told-you-so-mom" or terrify her kids to raise obedient kids or the mom who orders and commands her kids what to do without any love, compassion and/or explanation. But just today, I became that mom.

Toddlers, Naptimes and PMSing Hormones don't mix.

I was trying to put the little one to sleep just like how we always do --give her milk, lie down with the little one in bed then sleep. But I guess I don't have enough patience today and I just covered my face with blanket and slept as the little one still go about playing in bed. Then I was awaken with her sitting on my already painful shoulder. I just cried in pain because I know I can't be angry or shouldn't shout at the little one. I cried and cried. She played and played. Out of frustration (and pain), I went out of the room and raised my voice ordering her to sleep. (I just can't seem to remember how I should react lovingly to toddlers from all the parenting books and blogs I've read.) She was terrified, went to bed and slept. In a few minutes, she was already sleeping.

I should be happy now right?! But I wasn't. I don't want her to obey because she was scared of me. I want her to obey because she knows what I ask her to do is out of love for her. I feel really bad right now.

I hope when she wakes up, she has forgotten all about this. 

The Tale of Peter Rabbit According to an Almost 2 year Old

My little one's current favorite story is the Tale of Peter Rabbit by Beatrix Potter. We've been reading it for the past weeks and she never seem to get tired of it. Before her morning nap, I would read it to her and she would interrupt me with her own interpretation of the images of the book. I think we have another version of this story.

Here it goes:

"Mama bag."

"Mouse run." (My little one thinks the bunny is a mouse.)

"Mouse eat. Bird."

"Mouse run."

"Mama (referring to me), boom."

"Uh-oh."

"Mouse. Bird. Tweet. Tweet."

"Mouse hide."

"Kah- kah." , while touching her chest. (It means she's scared)

"Hmmmm.", while smelling the flowers.

"Cat. Meow."

"Mama cook."

"Sleep na."

It's so amazing that she can already understand pictures and make her own story.